Dear So and So


Dear older lady wearing amazing handmade floral overalls,
I am so glad I stopped to compliment you on them and am sad that you were feeling bad about your weight since putting on 10 kilos while in hospital. You looked fabulous. Thank you for posting us a couple of pairs of shoes for Theo. I really want a pair of those overalls now.
Yours, random girl on the street.

Dear Theodore,
You are a walking, talking, cat-chasing, dancing, delicious-smelling, cheeky little ball of wonderful.
Thanks for bringing so much joy and mess to our life. Please stop eating cat food.
Your mother and father, who will never get the house totally clean again.

To my sister and brother,
We should do a collaborative art project at the end of the year - a zine and/or an exhibition. What do you reckon?
Love, your middle sister (who feels very lucky to have such clever, creative siblings).

Dear wisdom teeth,
Please stop squashing all of my teeth together and causing me discomfort. Please don't make the dentist take you out on Friday and cost me a million dollars!
Yours, with a sore jaw.

Dear Self,
Please stop procrastinating and do your uni work! You only have six weeks left! Those essays won't write themselves!
From your conscience.

Dear Mindy Kaling,
Thanks for writing such an upbeat, funny, clever show. It brings me a lot of joy.
Yours, I-just-binge-watched-the-second-season-in-two-sittings.

Dear customers at work,
When I repeat over the microphone over and over that the store is closing and you wait until it's exactly 11pm to bring your full trolley to the checkout, it is very difficult to be nice to you. I don't get paid for that extra 15 minutes it takes every night to put your groceries through!
Yours, enraged check out girl who wants to get home and go to bed.

Dear man in wheelchair, without a shirt on, smoking a cigarette, wheeling himself up a hill in the rain,
I only saw you from afar - I hope somebody helped you get up that hill!
Yours, confused onlooker.

Dear neighbour,
Please don't leave an anonymous note in our letter box claiming to be from the entire street, accusing us of being bad pet owners for letting our cats be outside, alleging that they have been damaging property and gardens and threatening to have them taken away and 'placed into more responsible homes' if we don't lock them inside. Please approach us in person so that we can discuss the issue.
Yours sincerely, annoyed cat owner neighbour.

(We ended up writing nice notes with drawings of cats on them, apologising if our cats have caused any trouble and folding them up with a little packet teabag inside to drop in the mailboxes of our entire street)

Dear Atticus and Tintin,
I am sorry that I have locked you inside as punishment today. I will let you out to play soon. Please don't wander off into other people's yards and bother them. Be good boys.
Your loving human mum.

Dear Mail Man,
Please deliver all of the awesome creative books I've splurged and bought late at night on Book Depository.
Yours, with a sad bank account.

Dear family and friends of Alderman Jeremy Ball,
I am so sorry for your loss. Jeremy was a really nice guy and a great advocate for Launceston. Vale.
With sympathy, Bianca.

Dear C,
I hope that you find some fun, fulfilling creative things to do so that not all of your time is spent cleaning up and chasing Theo around (even though I know you don't mind doing that too). You are very clever and creative.
Love, your wife.

Dear lady in local boutique who told me if I wanted to fit into one of the dresses I'd tried on that was too small I could just "lose weight",
This is really not the way to sell more clothes. If you stocked a realistic range of sizes, I might have given you a lot of money. Instead, I won't be coming back.
Yours, peeved.

Dear lady in cafe who came up to me shortly after the previous conversation to tell me I looked "gorgeous",
Thanks very much, I appreciated it.
Yours, girl in red.

To people who have written me lovely notes, emails or Etsy feedback regarding my zine,
Thanks so much. I am so pleased that you enjoyed it and got something out of it. It is lovely when you can send something out to people that you put a lot of yourself into and it has a positive effect on people.
Yours, I-wish-I-had-more-time-for-making-zines.

Dear Launceston City Council,
Why haven't you installed my decorated traffic controller box yet? It has been almost a year since I painted it and I've still not spotted it!
Yours, confused artist.

Dear Taylor Swift,
Why are do I keep waking up every day with 'Shake It Off' stuck in my head? Am I having Taylor Swift dance parties in my sleep?
Yours, closet fan.