Bianca Jagoe | Illustration + Design
Illustration + Design

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Mama, I wanted to please you

I just had my mum over for dinner. Which, sadly, I pretty much used just as a time to bombard her with my (one) problems and make her sort out ways to deal with them. She is good at it, and always has easy solutions. She did have quite a few cigarettes while she was here though (she hides them under the couch cushion on our front veranda and when she drops in she grabs one), and I stressed her out a bit. I didn't bite my nails at all (her pet hate), but she kept correcting my stressed out posture. She's a bit like my conscious, or reasoning, when she's around, she generally knows best. C made us delicious pumpkin/garlic/parsley spaghetti and then we had some store bought mediocre apple pie.

C and I caught the bus to Kotara today as we had to purchase a new router for the interwebz. On the bus to Kotara there were some colourful types, namely, a very bogan ocker-tongued fellow behind us who spoke unconceivably loudly on his mobile phone and utilised just about every cliched Australian slang phrase imaginable with lots of "maaaate" and "tell ya old girl". I was under the impression that 'old girl' meant your mother, but the way he was using it made me think otherwise. There was also this woman and a baby who were getting off at their stop and as they walked past the baby grabbed C's hair. Everyone involved found it quite humorous.
While there I also checked out a pair of shoes I've been admiring at a shoe shop and to my surprise, and my wallet's dismay, they were half price ($45), so they're ordering them in my size and will apparently call me tomorrow and I'll go get them. They look like this, but red, so cute;


I'm just about headed to bed.

I need to stress less. I think I let my 'ideals' get in the way of logic sometimes. I think that everyone and everything should be equal and fair and on the same level, and people are all good, and things should be discussed and problems worked through logically - and I'm starting to find that people aren't like that, and despite what I'd like to think, I'm probably not like that. It's so frustrating when someone isn't behaving the way that is expected, the way you think they should, and when you just want things to be 'fair' and 'equal', but people have different feelings or definitons (or lack of definitons) about what that is. I hate passive agression and back stabbing and I don't want to behave that way. I just want things to be 'better' (better for everyone involved), but I'm impatient. C says I need to learn to be patient. He said I'd probably say "But I want to know how to be patient now!". Regardless, three deep breaths and no frowns. (Definitions of words in italics are of course very subjective to personal opinion)

I hope you enjoyed the mundanities of my day.

C and I are going to go watch a documentary called 'Fuck'. Also, as a rule, never Google the word 'fuck'.