Dear So and So

(some of the food from our housewarming)

Dear intimidating looking men in dark clothes with facial tattoos standing around looking suspicious in my neighbourhood,
I thought you looked scary but then you said "Havin' a good day darlin'?" and I was too taken back to answer as I rode past on my bike, I hope my smile sufficed.
Yours, possibly judgemental Bianca.

To the man who drove in front of me today when I was walking across a crossing with my pram (and said a half-hearted sorry and an "I'm in a rush" out of his car window) AND to the boys who made me wait on the road with my pram while they dawdled at the path entrance AND to the older man who pushed in front of me at the fruit shop while I was moving my heavy pram to the counter,
What is wrong with you people?
Yours, enraged.

Dear Cameron,
Thank you for taking such great care of our son all day every day while I'm at uni. I know how much you hate it when people ask you, "Are you spending the day with the baby?" or "Babysitting today are we?" as if you're just minding him until I get home, when in reality, you put in the hard yards (like 5.45am wakeups and messy changes and grumbly bedtimes). You deserve the 'MUM' badge much more than I do. I don't ever take for granted how supportive and caring you are and I would be lost without you. You were made to be a dad.
Love, Ank.

Dear ASOS,
Please have a ridiculously big sale so that I can afford to buy these shoes for myself for my birthday. Pretty, pretty please?! (They have 20% off at the moment, but still...)
Yours, obsessed.

Dear Jennifer Lawrence,
How do I be as cool and funny and gorgeous as you?
Yours, jealous.

Dear friends,
Thank you for coming to our housewarming and making it so lovely and fun and making us feel especially good about living in Tasmania.
Your friend, Bianca.

Dear Atticus,
I wish that you could speak human so that you could tell me how you lost all of the fur on one side of your body and why the end of your tail doesn't move anymore. You don't seem too bothered by it, but I am. Please don't wander too far from our yard or hurt yourself. You are my favourite cat (don't tell the other cats) and I wish I spent more time enjoying your lovely affectionate nature. IOU 1 chin scratch.
Love, your neglectful owner.

Dear businesses that put up political signs,
Do you realise that you are putting customers off by having right wing propaganda displayed proudly at the front of your store?
Yours, left-winged.

Dear C's dad's new kidney,
Please be happy inside your new home and help C's dad to be happy and healthy again.
Yours, concerned daughter in law.

To the lady at uni with the awesome boots,
I love your boots!
From Bianca.

Dear lovely young guy on my bus,
Thanks for telling me how cute you think my baby is and that I should enter him in baby contests (I'm not going to, but it's nice to have him admired) and for chatting to me about your baby girl Mabel (best name!). We were both really awkward but it was really nice of you to come introduce yourself.
Yours, hope to see you on a bus again soon.

Dear Theodore H. Jagoe,
You are the sweetest. I can't get enough of you and I miss you so much when I'm at uni. I have to make sure I don't wish the time away, wanting you to be bigger so that we can play together and chat. You have such a sweet, playful nature and you are highly ambitious, getting into lots of mischief. Don't grow up too quickly. You're a good guy.
Love, your Ma.