Reason Why I am A Horrible Person #34

^ This is me wearing the idiot hat. (Photo circa 2006, in my cushy bedroom before my parents kicked me out, haha. PS. I still wear that ridiculous jumper, the teddy on the front is wearing a jumper of it's own which unzips and ♡'s to my Davey Havok poster, lawl).

Today C and I were wandering down Beaumont Street picking up a few things, and there were, as there often is, members of charity organisations cheerily asking for sign-ups to sponsor children and third world villages and the like. I'll say first that, one day, when I'm working, I'd really like to donate money to these organisations (the non religious ones) because I think what they're doing is genuinely important, necessary and often overlooked. Admittedly, I currently try to stay out of their way, because I have no money, at all, and it makes me feel bad to have to say no repeatedly. I know I have leagues more than the people these organisations are trying to assist, but right now I do need that money to eat and pay my own bills. One day I will be better off financially and will be able to factor things like that in. Today we were stopped by one such fellow who shook our hands, asked us our names and what we did (I answered 'nothing') and launched into telling us about what his organisation did, which was actually pretty interesting, though he spoke far too quickly. C eventually told him that we'd recently stopped donating money to a similar organisation due to the lack in funds, which is true. So, upon establishing that we weren't able to sign up to his cause, he then asked me (as I am unemployed) if I wanted a job doing what he does and started trying to sell it to me. I don't know why I was so shocked by it, but I just had no idea what to say and I basically um-ed and ah-ed for a while about how I would be anxious in a job like that and couldn't do it, to which he replied 'Why?' and I was like, 'Uhh... I just, uh wouldn't be good at it...', but he kept pressuring me and waiting for me to answer, so eventually I said 'Umm... I don't think I'm good and making people do things they don't want to do'. So, in essence, I'm the worst person ever. I basically demeaned his whole job. After I said that, he said 'Okay. Have a good day guys' and sent us on our way. Honestly, I would absolutely fail at those kinds of jobs because I am not good at talking to strangers, as this example shows, let alone 'making people do things they don't want to'. Many people feel they aren't well off enough to give to charity, and if they are, most of them would prefer not to, for whatever reasons. Now, I'm sure this guy gets much worse things said to him on a daily basis, or is outright ignored, but I feel pretty shitty because the guy offered me a job and I basically told him no in the worst way. In my guilt over this, I looked up his organisation and contemplated donating an amount relative to what I can afford (bearing in mind I live on less than $50 a week once bills are paid), but found that there was nowhere on their website that allowed you to make one-off donations (why?!), I seem to be required to sign up and pay per month. So I guess I'll just have to swallow my guilt and spend that money on stamps. Anyway, in the future I will go further out of my way to avoid these people so that I don't demean their jobs. What do you do when people from charity organisations approach you on the street? Do you regularly donate to charity?

Tomorrow I have a gig bright and early at 9.40am. It is likely that my voice will give in after 3 songs, but it should be fun anyway. Will probably practice more into the night. C is making a mysterious desert. He wouldn't tell me what. Also purchased the new Frankie today, sometimes it's a bit of a hit or miss, this month it's a hit.

Ps. C made caramel with strawberries and ice cream. Very good.