Things are good at the moment. In the first few weeks, when I felt so miserable and exhausted and each day was so difficult, people kept telling me that by six weeks in things would feel vastly better and I didn't believe it. But it is true. Admittedly, I'd still sell my soul for some more sleep and this boy of mine is obsessed with being held constantly which makes being alone difficult, but I am beginning to find some time for myself and once or twice a day those big blue eyes look up at me, squint a little and I see a very brief and cute cheesy grin. I'm starting to catch up with friends and go on fun little trips and make plans and go opshopping and I feel so positive about the future. I feel like a totally different person.
It is so good to be able to look at the progress made after the initial challenges of a complicated labour, troubles recovering from surgery, extra time spent in hospital waiting for test results, some unfortunate dealings with midwives, setbacks at home in the first few days and a bad case of the baby blues. C's help and my sister coming for a surprise visit were hugely uplifting, as were the beautiful, kind, real words that people left me in this space, on Instagram, in emails (that I'm still yet to respond to!) and in lovely pieces of mail (people I've never met sent me a tin full of chocolate chip muffins, gorgeous little baby outfits and knitted booties and hats and sweet cards and postcards - thank you!).
Things take me several days to get the time to do (like blogging), but I'm trying to stop measuring my self worth by my productivity (my single worst trait).
(I was much happier to be in the park than my face would have you believe)
For anyone who is suffering from the same kind of early post baby blues that I did (and still am some days) I'd recommend - making plans, setting simple goals (today: shower, make a nice lunch, read a few pages of a book, go for a walk, call a friend, put on a load of washing), getting out of the house and sharing your feelings with people you trust (for me it was my counsellor) and most importantly, napping wherever possible.
Just for good measure, here's one of those smiles I mentioned earlier...
...and a grumpy one just for fun.
(A $2 outfit from the opshop found last week!)